Relationships: They’re for the creepers

Another post from The Unconventional Newlywed...

Today, while Google-researching a completely unrelated topic, I poked my way into an article titled, “The 12 Ties that Bind Long-Term Relationships.”  Take a look at this doozy:

  • 11. Obsessively thinking about your partner. Being slightly obsessed with your partner turns out to be positively related to intense love, at least for women. The women most in love in the O’Leary study didn’t particularly care about knowing their partner’s whereabouts. However, they were more likely to engage in obsessive thinking about their partner more generally.


Is it just me or does that sound like the opposite of everything a girl tries to avoid in healthy relationships? I read this about thrice, alternating between guilt at spending about 20 years banning such behavior from my being, and skepticism at reading such words on a website with presumed authority. Flabbergast! Belief? Denial! Oh, the self-questioning.

Such reeling send me re-reading the other items with a cynical eye. How did I miss the scandalous number 10, just above overclingy number 11?

  • 10. Wanting to know where your partner is at all times. Being intensely in love, for men, is associated with wanting to know your partner’s whereabouts. This component of intense love may seem a bit like stalking. But to put a positive spin on it, if you want to know where your partner is, this reflects the fact that your partner isn’t very far from your thoughts.

Apparently, lasting love is just lifelong co-dependent stalkering. This is good news.

Tonight is the first night Alex is out of town, leaving me in the new apartment alone. He has only lived (full-time) in Boston for about seven months, within which I willfully, gleefully forgot life living as a single, married girl. All day the thought of returning to my lopsided life, even for a weekend, makes me uneasy. Now the emptied apartment, albeit clean, tidy, smelling like delicious homemade dinner, is…well, it’s not so bad now that I consider it.

But this contentment is not without a glass of wine (or two), a few back-to-back episodes of Psych on Netflix, and the promise of getting all the leftover ice cream to myself. It’s good to know I can be in a happy little marriage – across the country from my husband – without paralyzing separation anxiety.

Of course, we are still newlyweds, we have plenty of time to get obsessive.

Experts agree, it’s just like MDMA.

Read more from The Unconventional Newlywed here.

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